Amanda Riley Wellness

Fault VS Responsibility

What do you think when you see these two words? Are they interchangeable to you? Do you see a difference in them?

The noun version of fault actually contains the word responsibility in it. Fault – responsibility for an accident or misfortune. The verb version of fault – criticize for inadequacy or mistakes.

Responsibility has a few definitions:

  1. The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone
  2. The state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something
  3. The opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization
  4. A thing that one is required to do as part of a job, role or legal obligation
  5. A moral obligation to behave correctly toward or in respect of

With fault having responsibility in the definition it is understandable how we have used them interchangeably, but when you really start thinking about these two words – there IS A HUGE difference. I personally, had never even thought that hard about it until I read the book The Subtle Are of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. And with a simple example, I clearly saw the difference in the words. Here it is….Let’s say you open your front door and there is a baby there, is that your fault – no. Is it your responsibility – absolutely.

Is it your fault that you were abused, bullied, molested, raped, silenced, beaten, a victim of a narcissist, victim of racism or sexism or a victim of literally anything else? No, it is not your fault. Is it your fault that other humans did not deal with their pain so they pain vomited all over you? Nope. Is it your fault that others have had limited experiences and clouded beliefs that allowed them to treat you less than God’s child? Nope, again not your fault. But guess what…dealing with it is your responsibility.

After thinking more about this, it is easy to see how our society ended up in a victim – perpetuating state. The blame game is real. The seeking of whose fault it is, what system was put in place, what politician said what, or however you want to word this – we have become so focused on who to blame, we just exist in the victim state. We pain compare on every level and find value in staying in our state as it serves us in some way, even if it sucks. This isn’t working. The damage is done, you can’t undo the past, but you can choose to heal from it and move forward with lessons and wisdoms. Look into Tony Robbins, Jordan Peterson and Abraham Hicks for a deeper insight.

While most often truth speakers are attempting to help humans become accountable and responsible for their lives, they are often labeled with all the -ISTS there are. The are thought of as being insensitive to what one has gone through. So know that I am more than aware that this will fall into the category as “unpopular” but the truth is – this victimization of anyone who has seen pain is causing way more damage than good. And in knowing me as a person, you would quickly see I am one of the most compassionate + empathetic people you will ever meet, but I also believe in healing so I am not going to let you sit in victimhood. I will guide you to see what is in your control, encourage you to focus on those areas and then watch your life unfold in ways you may never have thought possible. But this also means you need to get accountable and responsible for what is in your control.

My two things – healing + health. And neither of these are up to anyone but you. No one is at fault for you not dealing with your shit so you can heal your mind + body + soul. No one is at fault for you processing your emotions. No one is at fault for you blaming others for your problems. No one is at fault for your not hydrating your body. No one is at fault for you not eating foods that fuel your body. No one is at fault for you not moving your body. No one, that is BUT YOU!

The human experience is full of learning and growing. By making the liberating choice to see all of life as a giant learning experience, you can train your brain to find a lesson in everything. This doesn’t mean skip feeling the feels. We must process our emotions, we must release emotions and beliefs that no longer serve us and we must grow because if you’re not growing, your dying.

The human experience is also full of choices. Choices that will contribute to your life being better and choices that will contribute to your life being harder. If you are constantly picking choices that make your life harder, you may find yourself in a life you are not loving and often in the state of victimhood, but your choices are your responsibility. Here is the things about these choices – often the hard choices make your life better in the long run and the easy choices make your life hard in the long run. Choice wisely, but know…your choice is on you – so learn to be accountable + responsible for your thoughts and your choices. Your thoughts control how you feel and your choices influence the world you see.

Now, I will fully admit that this is a practice. There are days I feel so stressed out + so full of anxiety + overwhelmed into a paralyzed state. When I feel this, I think – what am I focusing on? Typically, it is being focused on things I have no control over – other people, their thoughts, their actions and their opinions. So I become responsible for my thoughts and shift my focus to what is in my control. Because trust me, as long as humans are focused on fixing everyone else instead of themselves – there will always be something to focus on that will not serve you in any way possible.

Pain from other humans is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to deal with it. When we, as humans, decide we are going to be responsible for our own healing and health – then we will see unity + peace + love + compassion + grace.

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